Saturday, September 4, 2010

Pictures Brian isn't posting from the desert

Well, no news worth getting worked up over again today.  That wasn't Paris Hilton's cocaine in Paris Hilton's purse in between Paris Hilton's lipsick and Paris Hilton's wallet.  Tiger Woods is playing golf.  BP is still soaked in oil... and flooding the airwaves with "down-home" working family community conscious commercials.  Sick of those yet?  So the news of the day comes from out west, where Brian and the family have reached The Hoover Dam and Las Vegas.  He's putting a positive spin on it, brave guy.  The ugly truth is that the desert is still a post-atomic wasteland where the very dirt itself continues to glow at night as it has ever since the 1940's.  I don't know if it's the radiation or the heat, but Brian failed to mention that it only took him ten seconds to walk across the Hoover Dam.  Luckily the Army was there already, just to the west of the dam, dealing with another problem that occurs on practically a monthly basis.  They were able to keep Brian from causing problems and take care of their arachnid troubles without mobilizing any extra troops.

I imagine that one day the "west" will be something to be appreciated, but for now it's just another sun-baked desert, parched and cracked lakebeds surrounded by badlands and scrub weeds.  It will not be fit for the presence of humans in even our grandchildren's lifetime. 

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Quoth the raven... "Nevermore"...

Nice bike huh?  Funny thing is that the guy on it is dead.  Yeah, in Puerto Rico they get a little carried away with their funerals.  Just thought I'd share.

So nothing in the news today really inspired me, plus I'm a little mentally washed out from spending the day trying to spin straw into gold.  (It's my cross to bear, trying to make things happen in real life that only really work in the minds of people who don't have a firm grasp of physics and engineering).  Today it just didn't work.  So the concept of death is front and center in my head.  Not mine, at least not today, but that of this particular work week.  Luckily it dies tomorrow.  Maybe I'll have more interesting things to put forth tomorrow.

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.  Out, out brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more:  it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Ok, ok, too depressing, I know.  So I'll leave you all today with a nice picture of a really big freakin bunny.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

When what to my wondering eyes should appear...

AND... we seem to still be on the subject of the world's boneheads eliminating themselves one at a time.  If you haven't read this one yet, it's here.  Woman dies in chimney   Ok, admittedly we only have the word of the guy involved that it went down this way, we may find out in a couple days that he brained her with a frying pan and dumped her down the chimney, but the signs so far point to her losing her happy thoughts and attempting to bring him the gift of psycho via the fat man's elevator.  If it did happen this way, it's kinda tough to see the tragedy in it.  Hopefully there are witnesses to the banging on the door with a shovel.  I'm wondering why nobody noticed a ladder upside the house for three days.  And this was a doctor?  I would think that she would have been smart enough to tie a string to her foot with a note that said "If you're reading this, I got stuck while trying to go completely psycho on you.  Sorry about that.  Would you mind please calling 911?" 

While The Whos' devotion to the spirit of Christmas made The Grinch's heart grow three times, just the thought of a sexy female Santa delivering herself via my chimney made something of mine grow three times... leaving out the getting stuck, dying and decomposing of course.  Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Would you risk death for this?

Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favor of natural selection as a form of population control.  Trouble is we're producing the idiots faster than they can kill themselves off.  In Italy, people are so fond of their mushrooms that 17 people have died in nine days, six in 48 hours.  Simply by sliding off the mountain where they grow.  All I can say is too bad these things don't grow everywhere.  It's a freakin MUSHROOM, damnit!  These people go out in the middle of the night, dressed in camouflage no less, looking for these things, and slide right the fuck off the mountainside.  No point I suppose in mentioning that it's really easy, not to mention fast, to grow your own mushrooms.  All one needs is one cap to get started.  From that one you get enough spores to get a whole crop going, and if these people live in the area, then the climate is probably as good in their back yards as it is on the side of a mountain.  If not, it wouldn't take much aparatus to make an incubator setup.  I could grow these things in a fishtank in my closet.  But I guess what's the risk of a fall of a few thousand feet compared to... what is it again?  Oh yeah, mushroom gravy.  Mushroom sauce on the pasta.  And let's not forget, the "to-die-for" mushroom pizza.  Grow 'em yourself, or go to the freakin store. 

At least it's almost the weekend!